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JULY 17, 2009   

Senior expense mailing pitchI hate this crap!

It's bad enough to find a mailbox full of junk mail every day without having to deal with reminders like this one. I threw away the AARP membership card and the Golden Buckeye card—I'd rather not save 10% than whip one of them out at the cash register. I cringe but don't complain when the clerk automatically sells me coffee for 75 cents or charges $6 instead of $9 at the movie theater. But this... this is too much.

How much more of a reminder that you're getting old can there be than a solicitation for insurance against your "final expense?" Hell, I haven't even decided yet: my final expense might be a high-priced hooker or a really good bottle of wine. How do they know?

Actually, a few lines down they cut to the chase: the Senior Final Expense Program will pay up to $20,000 for my "funeral expenses," which for that money could include high-priced hookers and really good wine.

Hmm... maybe I should look into this. It won't do me any good, but some of you could have a good time on my nickel. Nah, you're gonna have to provide your own entertainment. This fabulous offer just went the way of the AARP and Golden Buckeye cards. Sorry 'bout that.

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